Letting Go
Spring being a time of graduations, its probably something you think of then. Not 18 years before. But yes, I MUST face it, I must start thinking about it. I must start preparing myself for the hardest thing a mother has to do. From birth to graduation, something she has to do little by little 365 days a year of her child’s life.
Letting go.
Now is the time, the only time and for the last time, that I will hold our little one this tight and this close. I will savor it while I can. Birth starts the process of letting go. We won’t ‘be one’ anymore; he won’t be in me. He will come out and be his own individual, separate from me with his own thoughts, ideas and dreams. Leaving the womb he starts his journey of leaving me. Developmental milestones are steps towards independence; all working towards one day pushing him out of the nest. School age comes and though you may think that with home school you get to hold them a little longer, that is really not true. You must let them explore and discover and be free to make (small) mistakes and bad decisions. They must learn that actions have consequences because you will not always be there to guide and protect, and that is how the real world works. As they get older they will have ideas, and in a safe environment, you must let them follow their child-dreams, knowing that this sets the precedent for who you believe they can become later in life. You must be their cheerleader, their biggest fan, though you know that each victory is a step away from you. And then the teen years. Some freedom and some rules, allowing them the responsibility (though painful sometimes) for many of their own decisions now. If they do not find their wings gradually, it will be a hard fall when they shoot out of the nest. It is paramount that they develop their own convictions and identity as an individual, preventing them from being as easily swayed by those around them later in life. Pray that the worldview you have instilled in them since birth will give them their own solid foundation, even as the gap between them and the family widens. And then the cap and the tassel and the tears. The tears? But you knew this day was coming. Will they be tears of pride and joy or of guilt and regret? You must prepare them well, mother. Prepare them for leaving you.
That is why it is the present tense. Letting go. It is a conscious act, a choice of attitude, every single day. From the first toddling baby step to walking down the aisle, every step is one more step to leaving you. And the job is never done; the letting go never accomplished and filed in the past tense. Because it is an act of the will, this releasing control, to see them as adults and respect that they are their own people. Counsel, comfort and friendship yes, but you hold them no longer in your arms.
Dear mother, cherish each moment you have your child close for these few fleeting years! Hold them with an open hand for God did not give them to you to keep. Birth starts the process of letting go (sometimes God asks us to let go of them even before birth), but smile through your tears, new mama – once a mother, a mom forever – you will always hold your child in your heart!
“Relationships – of all kinds – are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.” ― Kaleel Jamison
