‘I belong to no one’

What would it be like to belong to no one?

It’s almost christmas – I don’t have my grandparent’s or parent’s home to go to… because I simply don’t have family. None. Zilch. I am a family of one. Except, I don’t think ‘family’ can be singular. If there’s only one it’s ‘alone’. Yup, that’s me; I don’t belong to anyone.
I don’t have a curfew, which many teenagers might envy. But I just wish there were someone who cares what time I come home… or if I come home at all. I wish I would have a real home to come back to. Looking to the future it would be cool to get married someday. But I need to find another loner like me. It wouldn’t be fair to him that I would get a family out of the deal because I don’t have family he’d be joining. I will never have a Dad to walk me down the aisle.

I had dreams too, you know. I imagined being pushed on a swing by a smiling person called Mom. My 6-year-old joy would have been indescribable! I wanted to know what it would be like to have a Grandma who baked the best pumpkin pies for Thanksgiving. Would I help roll out pie crust or would I be outside with Grandpa showing me how to shoot a rifle? How about as a family to go sledding in the park in the winter? In my mind’s eye I could see us walking across the snow, seeing all the other fathers out with their daughters having the best Saturday of their life, at least it would be of mine! But it’s all in the past tense because it’s too late for me to make any of those childhood memories.

Age 17 was my last chance for a normal life. That was the year I heard someone say, “My plate’s full. I have a full house! God’s given me enough with my own two grown children, one teenager at home yet and grandkids coming over…” I’m only 5’1 since I was preemie; I don’t take up much room. And no space for me in their mansion of a house? Did they not read in the Bible the 47 times it says to care for the orphans?

I waited a long time for a family and they never came. I don’t have a family and I never will. I’ll never get my turn to be someone’s kid because I ‘aged-out’…. of The System.

Suzanne L. __________

Age 18, American Foster Care System

P.S. I am Suzanne Lauren __________, with no last name because I belong to no one.